personality

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Low
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	Moderate
Antisocial:	Low
Borderline:	Moderate
Histrionic:	Moderate
Narcissistic:	Low
Avoidant:	Moderate
Dependent:	High
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Moderate
-- Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Information --

Feeling pretty good

I went to a really good Bible study last night, it really helped me question what i was going through. In the beginning of Romans 9 Paul writes that he would rather that he would be cast off and judged by God than for other people to go to hell. That's a pretty bold statement but we are called to be more Christ-like and Christ died for our sins, so i believe that's why we grieve for those who aren't saved. I really liked the message. And I had a really good talk with a great friend for a while afterward. She gave me some really good words of advice about everything i'm going through and i think it's going to Lordwilling help.

sad

So I kinda started seeing someone the last part of school. we had a great time hanging out and stuff but then she had to go to go out of the country for the summer and didn't say goodbye. she didn't message me or anything which sucked. i asked her if she wanted to keep seeing each other when we got back and when i first read it i thought she said yes, but i guess i was just too excited to see that the reply was extremely vague. so the past two weeks she hasn't responded to anything... i try to message her and she won't reply, i try to call, nothing, i try to facebook chat, all i get is a hello, then nothing more... have i lost her interest? I don't know, but it sucks. I guess I should be used to it though lol cause it's not like this is the first or even second time something like this has happened. It just stings though... i'm not really sure what to do. cause i like her, but i don't want to be giving myself false hope and waiting till the end of summer just to be disappointed again. I get down on myself too easy i guess. can't forget Romans 8:28 though. keep on the bright side. I really guess i'm just tired of being single. I really want someone I can be there for, someone i can encourage, someone to encourage me, someone to lean on my shoulder while we watch movies, someone i can open the door for, someone i can talk to, someone to hold hands with, but most importantly, someone Godly. But who knows, she may just be playing hard to get... argh!

Chapter 2

Two years later...

Ben awoke, unable to remember anything. He surveyed his surroundings. His uniform suggested he was in the military, though he had no recollection of joining. There was a burned out Humvee about 10 yards from him, with a few bodies lying around it, all dead from the looks of it. Three to be exact, two men and one woman. She was the one leaning against the Humvee. She looked at peace. Ben heard engines coming from the other direction, more Humvee's. They came to a halt a few yards away with soldiers pouring out in the ready position, scattering out into formation to form a perimeter around him and the other bodies.
He looked up to an older man, looked in his early 40's, gray sideburns and a dark, dirty tan from what looked like years of combat, leaning over him on one knee telling him "It's going to be all right soldier, we're taking you home." Ben stared back at him for a moment, before looking back over at the bodies.
"I'm afraid they're gone Ben, you did all you could son." The man then leaned back up, and with a motion of his hand, four men came rushing toward Ben, placing him on a stretcher they had folded out. Within a moment he was on it and they were carrying him to the back of the middle Humvee. They slid the stretcher in the back and Ben was met with two sets of eyes staring down at him, studying his injuries.
"Ok now soldier, time to go to sleep." Ben's eyes became dull, he tried to fight the drugs pulsating through his bloodstream, but they proved too much for his aching body and he finally succumbed to them, passing out within a few seconds.
"How serious are his wounds?" "He's got a serious gash on the side of his head, but he'll live."

Ben awoke again. This time in a hospital bed. His head was bandaged and he could only see out of one eye, still he felt better than last time he woke up. What in the world happened? Am i still dreaming? Who am I? Ben looked down at the end of the bed to see a beautiful woman, lying asleep on a chair. Her nametag read Belicia. Pretty name. Was he supposed to know her? And if he did, in what capacity? Sister, girlfriend, or wife? Something about her felt familiar, but faint, very faint. Like the last echo you hear before it vanishes away, never to be heard again.
"H-hello?" he said, barely able to speak.
Belicia's eyes opened, and quickly realizing where she was, she turned and looked to see him looking at her.
"Ben, you're awake!" she exclaimed as she jumped out of her chair and into his frail arms and kissed him passionately on the lips. then quickly leaned back up, looking a little awkward.
Definitely not sister... "Where am I?"
"Oh Ben, you're in Darnall Hospital, in Fort Hood. You were injured pretty badly in battle."
He looked at the ring in her hand and then up to her face, which was smiling.
"I'm sorry for saying this, but I don't know who you are."
Belicia looked a little surprised, but shook it off and smiled back down at him.
"I'm sorry, I'm Belicia, a friend." Ben could feel a hint of sadness in her voice as she spoke. "I'm gonna- I'm going to go get the doctor for you ok Ben?"
"I'll be here waiting." Ben said, smiling then closing his eyes to rest some more.
Belicia smiled back, turned, and walked away.

First chapter to a story that's been in my head for about a year now. So far the working title is All Things . It's kind of a romantic/action so yep.

"So, are you gonna ask her?"Jim Hinds asked while sipping beer from a plastic cup.
"I'm thinking Jim, Still thinking." Benjamin Karls answered, his eyes peeking over his cup as he drank, staring at the woman he loved.
"Well, you can't think much longer dude, your farewell party is almost over and you're shipping out tomorrow. You have to ask her. She's a good girl, but I don't think she'll wait for you that long without knowing."
Ben looked over at her and reached into his pocket to feel a little black box which held a little diamond ring in it, with which he was planning to put on her finger after quoting the phrase; 'Belicia Ann Harper, will you marry me?'

His legs and feet were begging him to move toward her, but his mind was hesitant. He knew if he asked, she would say yes, they both knew it. But how could he propose to her, then leave for the army for 2 years and ask her to wait for him, alone. He thought some more. After a few more sips, he finally came to a conclusion.
I'm not ready he told himself. I can't ask her to wait. I cannot and will not put her through it. Besides, i'm not even out of college yet, how could I support a wife?
He looked over at Jim and gave him the two head turns to the side signaling that he wasn't going to ask her tonight.
"I can't say that I agree with you Ben, but I hope you're making the right decision man, I really do."
"I just can't make her wait Jim. I won't do it to her."
"I understand. We've been friends for 20 years now, and she's been your girlfriend for almost 3 years, before her, you couldn't even be in a relationship for more than 2 weeks. She's changed you dude, for the better. I mean, just look at her."
Ben did just that.

He looked over at her, she was wearing a silk red dress. He made a trace of her, that began at her feet, then moved up her tan, slender legs which flowed inter her hips, stopped for maybe a moment too long at her chest, and felt a rush of fear and joy enter him as his eyes came to rest on her face, her beautiful face, smiling as always. He was still trying to figure out why a woman like her would fall for him. He was a good looking man no doubt, but she, she was more than beautiful. Ben couldn't help but look up in the air and mouth "Thank you God" every time he thought of her.

Ben waited until the end of the party to talk with her again. She was sitting out on the steps of his apartment, leaning back on her hands. He walked up and kissed her lightly on the cheek after sitting down beside her.
"Thanks again for throwing the party for me Belicia, I really enjoyed it."
"I'm glad you did, although it was supposed to be a surprise." Belicia laughed with a sigh.
Ben looked into her hazel eyes and smiled.
"Come on, it's late, let me take you home."
The car ride to her house had been a mostly quiet one, quick and light banter about who did and didn't show up and how long it's been since they'd seen some of them. But mainly it was just him driving and her leaning on his shoulder, with both hands around his right arm as he steered with his left.

Ben's car pulled up into her driveway and put the car into park. He turned to look at the top of her head. He could tell she had fallen asleep.
"We're here, beautiful." He said, after running his fingers through her hair and kissing the top of her head.
"Oh." She replied while stretching her arms in the air, her hand gently touching his face as it came back down.
"Already?"
"I'm afraid so Belicia."
Ben saw the sadness in her eyes.
"I wish you weren't going Ben."
"So do I. But I already signed up for it so I can't back down now, besides, I'll get the rest of my college paid for when I return.'
"Yeah, but I just wish you had chosen something safer than the marines."
"Belicia, my father was a marine, my grandfather, and my great grandfather. You know this."
Belicia looked down at her hand that was holding his.
"I know Ben. It's just, It's just that I'm going to miss you Ben."
"I'm gonna miss you too Belicia."
Belicia looked up at him, leaned in, and gave him a long kiss goodnight.
"Goodbye Ben, I love you."
Ben loved to hear to hear that
"I love you too."
Ben had heard those words come out of his mouth before, and he meant it every time. But this time, this time he couldn't fight the urge anymore.
"Belicia." He said after she had stood up out of the door.
"Yes Ben." She turned around and leaned her head into the car.
"While i'm gone, could you hold this for me." Ben once again reached his hand into his pocket to feel that little black box with a little diamond ring in it. But this time, he grabbed hold of it and pulled it out.
Belicia looked at it, and smiled.

Introduction to a story i

Bible study to end a good day

So, today was a pretty good day if you ask me. I got to go swimming at twelve with some of my friends which was really fun. We played water basketball for the most part. i wish the rec pool was deeper than 4 feet though, i miss playing pool games like shark and minnows and stuff like that which requires a deep pool. We went to Chik-fil-a to eat afterwards and met up with another friend who ate with us. After that I dropped my little brother off at wal-mart with my dad who bought me a shirt which is pretty stinking cool. I bought one of my own which is nice as well. I came back and rode bikes with a friend then four of us went to a Bible study, it was my first time to go but their second. I really enjoyed it. He spoke over Ephesians 4:1-3. Pretty much saying that if you're a Christian, then be holy. I had a good talk with him before and afterward which really was nice. I like having those types of conversations where you can delve into Scripture. We had a nice talk on the ride back home and now i'm here, writing on my blog, had a great day. Bye and God bless.